Monday, September 10

we are not perfect.

"Don't keep perfecting your child.. but keep perfecting your relationship with her..."

I've heard parents telling me (while at work) that they want their best for their child and they are planning ahead for them until they can be on their own. So my question to them is when will they be able to be on their own? I get no answer.

Whether you want your child to be the one who stands out in the good or bad way is up to you. I don't think forcing your kid to do what they don't like is the right way. Instead, have them give an opinion. Don't think they are not old enough to give an opinion. My 3-year old shares her opinion all the time and I listen. If you don't put in the effort in listening to them now, you won't feel the need to listen for the rest of your life and they won't tell you anything once they are older.

Growing up, I have always told my mom that parents do make mistakes too and she agreed. It doesn't mean that when we become parents, we automatically become the saint. We are humans and we make the wrong choices in life too. What I teach my little girl is based on the mistakes I make growing up and I want her to know that it is not "ok" to make certain mistakes.

Yes, every kid has to fall at their first step and only then will they learn.

My mom listens to me (till today) whether I'm ranting or raving. I can rant to her about almost everything. We do argue (sometimes, pretty badly that we ignore each other for a day or two) but deep down, our pride gets into our way and we would wait for each other to apologize.

Being the only child, Mom and I are always together. I was never close to my dad (my parents divorced when I was 18) and we do have communication problem till today. My dad never wanted to ever listen to me since young and that pushed me away further. These days when I visit him, we only engage in casual conversation. He still doesn't listen. He wanted me to be the daughter I could never be. I was the wild child, the rebellious one and the one who fights for her rights.
He wanted the opposite.

I have had people telling me how I should raise my child and what I need to do if I want her to succeed in the future. My job is to encourage, motivate and be with her at every step of the way as she grows up. I will not force her to do things she doesn't want to. She will have a freedom of choice PROVIDED the choices she makes in future are valid and safe enough for me to accept otherwise she needs to have Plan B.

I learn life the hard way. If she has to grow up learning life the hard way, that's the road she will take.

My mom brought me up telling me nothing is perfect in this world. We can't build a perfect little life but we can build happiness.  Nobody can have the best of both worlds. You gain some, you lose some.  She always reminded me that the things we need in this world are family, health and faith.

With the mentioned three, last comes wealth. Without family, health and faith, there will be no wealth.

So my point here is when we bring out child up, we want them to be happy, not end up hating you deep down. Telling them that whatever you do now for them is going to benefit them in the future, is NOT going to help the situation if things backfire. They are not able to visualize what's gonna happen in 20 years' time. Take one step at the time. Don't listen to other people who starts to "teach" you how to bring your child up. You can take advices and modify it to suit your child. We learn from other mothers but we don't use their exact same tactics. If we are not perfect, how are we going to make our child perfect? Our duty is to make sure they have morals, integrity, knowledge, provide an abundance of happiness, and keep the faith as a family. Don't let modern days technology take away communication between your growing child and you. They are only young once. Enjoy every moment with them.

The only thing you can perfect is your relationship with your child. But there again, it takes a lot of trials and errors. Be patient with the process. Learn something from the process. Don't give up if hiccups arise.

My late grandmother always said, "A family that eats together, stays together."

I used to tell her that my belief is 'A family that talks with one another, stays together'. She would smile and say," Make sure it's talk and not fight!"

LOL! Thanks Ah-Ma..

I'm in the process of perfecting my relationship with Sophia and communicate more with my family, my in-laws and friends.... So far, so good.

Have a great week ahead <3

xo, ALX

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