Friday, October 19

Expectations - Dating (Part 1)

I have thought about this topic for the longest time in my life and I have mentioned in an old post about expectations. However, it dawned on me that we have expectations throughout the entire process from dating, marriage and parenthood and it changes all the time. I finally know why we change our expectations periodically and in this entry, i'm going to write about the first phase we all go through before walking down the aisle - the dating period.

We don't need to be a professional to understand certain things in life. We just need to be cautiously aware and take the initiative to understand the whys and hows and whatnots. 

I've dated quite a bit since I was 18, all the way till I met Roger. I must say, I've met very different guys and my expectations were slightly different for each of them. I've dated horrible ones, insensitive ones, self-centred ones and commitment phobia ones.. I've dated sweet ones too, but definitely not husband material, for me, that is.

Men and women tend to gravitate towards unrealistic expectations that come from movies/dramas and even fictional novels.

"If only my boyfriend was like XX... i'll be the happiest woman alive!" <- seriously?

Subconsciously, we want perfection (don't deny) but we don't realise we have problems with our expectations and IT'S A FACT. 

Our expectations usually starts when look at our parents' marriage and judge. We would either NOT want our partner to be like our dad/mom, or WANT TO BE like them. It's human nature. We look at our peers and the closest in relation would be our parents. The second in line we might look at to lay our expectations will be our older siblings.. (unless you hate them or you are jealous for your own reasons)

We create an impression on how our partner will be like and this expectation will stay with us until we reach a point of standstill and then we ask ourselves.."What went wrong?"

It's not wrong to have expectations. However, you should lay realistic expectations. Be who you really are. If you're not looking for a lifetime partner yet, don't commit to anything serious. 

I've asked my best friend and a few other ladies what kind of expectations they laid for their dates the last time (most of them pretty much settled down with kids already) and I've gathered a few common expectations ladies look for in guys (in general) - don't judge me if you are not such a person!

- Enough cash when out on a date (the ladies don't wanna be paying all the time)

- Owns a car, no bicycle please... (if the guy doesn't have a car, he should be able to afford cab rides, no taking the train or public bus)

- Intellectual man (no nerds, purely general knowledge) who can hold conversations

- Caring and sensitive to know what she likes/dislikes

- Fantastic smile / bod (with white sparkly teeth that is, no bad breath and maybe no love handles)

- Smart enough to earn their dollars (the honest way that is, no illegal means)

- Able to "click" with her friends and hangout.

So what are some expectations men laid for that lady?

- Usually, if the guy thinks your hot with all the statistics, they may wanna get into your pants on the first date, otherwise, in the one month of dating. UNLESS they like you genuinely and doesn't mind waiting for "you".. or he is just an honest guy who doesn't think of women as an object.

- Dress well and appropriately.. (no trashy/flashy fashion sense)

- The lady should not be TOO intelligent or the dude may feel intimidated

- Clingy / TOO independent ladies will be booted out. (Men don't like it, all..)

- Good hygiene ( NO body odour, bad breath and please, shave. Don't have hair sticking out of your pits or upper lip. 

So basically, we all set a certain expectations of what we look for in our partner or perhaps, the possible future spouse. But when we set an expectation, stop and ask ourselves if we are able to be at that standard. What do we want out of that expectation? Is it for face value? Or for future? Set realistic ones and not put yourself up on the pedestal and expect to find a prince charming. We all want someone who loves us for who we are.. IF we show the real us. Don't put on a front and pretend to be someone we are not. Don't lie to yourself. Don't change yourself over that expectation from your partner. If you have to stress over how you're gonna dress for the weekend to go out with your man, or look at the menu in distress because you don't want him to think you eat like a whale, think about it again. You are who you are and you cannot change the fact. Be proud of yourself.

Send me your comments on our Facebook Page and let me know how you feel about this entry. 

xo, A.

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