Wednesday, October 24

Expectations - The In-Laws ( Part 3 )

Disclaimer : No intention of negativity/offense. This entry is purely on personal views. 

After I posted my entry on Expectations - Marriage (Part 2), my bff, Goldie, reminded me via Skype that I had missed out on one very important point; In-Laws. I yelped out and said, "OH YA!! How could I ever forget that!!" She laughed into my face and reminded me to write about it.

Let's face the ugly truth about in-laws. You can call them your Monster-In-Law like the movie starring Jennifer Lopez and Meet the Parents starring Ben Stiller and the other chick (can't remember her name). I watched those two movies before I got married and I laughed at how silly was it to 'impress' the old folks before the wedding and keeping all the unhappiness inside. 

I've been married for almost four years and I don't stay with my in-laws. I'm honest enough to say that I prefer staying on my own to being under one roof with my in-laws. I have nothing against them, in fact, they are wonderful folks. I'm not lying through my teeth on this just because the husband reads my blog on a frequent basis. I would rather stay away from the possibility of unnecessary conflicts. 

Whatever I'm gonna be writing is not targeted at ALL in-laws and it doesn't apply to ALL daughter-in-laws. If you feel "targeted" or you dismiss my interpretation, then exit my page.

A typical in-law's mentality : DIL should be able to do the following..

- able to cook
- able to clean
- able to look after the household
- able to take care of their son
- able to save
- able to earn
- able to give birth

-The bossy MIL/FIL
This category belongs to the kind of MIL/FIL who are well-to-do, whose son is a high-flyer or who just simply thinks too highly of themselves. I can't stand in-laws like that. Wealth is good, but too trying to be bossy over your wealth makes u look really stupid. 

They expect their DILs to have equal or almost equivalent status/wealth background. 

If their son is a high-flyer, they would expect a DIL with a reputable position in her job. They won't settle for just a salesgirl or receptionist. It "embarrasses" them. 

If they just think too highly of themselves, probably because they had gone thru "tough life" whereas others don't so as a form of compensation for themselves, they sit on a pedestal and talk shit about others, not once looking at their pathetic self. Worst of all, they would teach you what to do and you must follow. If you don't, you'll be outcasted for the rest of THEIR lives and they would not be happy with you no matter how much you try to be a genuinely good DIL. (Poor you..)

- The kan-cheong (anxiety-plagued) MIL/FIL
Sigh, this kind irks the poop out of me. My late paternal grandmother was such a person. 

They would call their DIL (if they don't stay with them) almost every hour to make sure, their son is "still alive and breathing". They would ask if lunch/dinner was home-cooked. If it's takeaway, they will start their chanting and say so many....logical reasons not to eat out, like as if all their life was just eating home-cooked food.. (u know what i mean). The ones who stay with you will do everything for you, because they are just worrywarts and want to do it fast, there and then.. BUT complain truckloads behind you to family, friends and your husband, pin-pointing your inefficiency as a DIL and wife.  Oh, and also, they will keep bugging you to give birth. Like hello, I'm not a birthing machine!!

- The easily/over-jealous MIL(usually)/FIL(rarely)
Hahaha, these ones are jokers. I don't know what's there to be jealous of your own DILs. My aunt (who has already divorced my uncle recently) was jealous of her ex-DIL. You know, youngsters, you don't expect them to wear a robe around the house, isn't it? So wearing shorts and t-shirt at home was an issue between MIL & DIL. My aunt, started to wear shorts, showing off her green poppy veins (looked like it was going to rupture any second), and spag-strap tops, to show her DIL "if you can do it, i can do it too." My uncle and cousin could not stand my aunt for being so jealous of her own DIL and behaved like a young adult.

Another kind of jealous ones are those if they only have one precious son, they cannot stand seeing their own son, being loving to his wife. For example, if the son wants to wait for his wife to come home and eat dinner together, the mother would comment that it was unnecessary and that he should eat first or else he can get "sick". WTH! I think it's more likely SHE will get sick, looking at the lovey-dovey couple eating together. These kind of MILs need therapy. They are the ones who make DILs life a living hell. They will fabricate lies to get their sons' attention. They will always try to gain sympathy by saying," Sigh, he's no longer my son, he's someone else's husband.."They will be the one who stands in DILs way to do everything for their son and all you can do is stand behind them and watch. Hello, who's the wife here again? *rolls eyes*

If women were world leaders, there would not be any war; just a few jealous countries not talking to each other.

- The bo-chap (couldn't be bothered) MIL/FIL 
My favourite kind of MIL/FIL.. and fortunately, the ones I have now. Ok, maybe in the beginning, not..

My MIL & FIL  are very humble who work very hard to upkeep the family. I respect them on that. Initial stages being a  young and vocal DIL, I was making sure my point and message was sent across tactically, until one day, I snapped and told my MIL on the phone to not worry about how I'm going to handle the family and I will make sure her son is in good care. Since then, she never called me to ask me how her son was doing. I put the message across to her in a very simple & firm manner. Till today, I keep that good relationship with her. I'm a no nonsense type of DIL. I won't go to the kitchen to help out during CNY reunion, I won't stay in the kitchen and gossip about others. I will stay in the living room and watch TV with Roger and Sophia. I know I will get judged for this but who cares? I don't pretend to be who I'm not and I won't pretend for the sake of getting the "fabulous daughter-in-law" title. No matter what DILs do, there will always be people saying poop. People are either jealous of MILs with good DILs or will laugh at MILs for having a bad DIL. No one will be contented.

However, I'm forever grateful to my MIL/FIL for helping me look after my sick father last time...

This kind of in-laws, quite hard to get. They are those who just let you guys run your family your way. They don't get into the way. They don't comment. They just give you advices. They share your happiness and won't meddle in your problems. They don't talk poop behind your back and they just enjoy going for holidays and do whatever they like. Yah...if all DILs can get in-laws like that, the world will be a better place, right??

- The "I-Will-Comment-On-Everything-and-I-Want-To-Know-Everything" MIL/FIL
These are the kinds that will want to have a say in every damn thing in the world, full of opinions. From the way you spend her son's money (if you're not working), to looking after your kid; upbringing, discipline, eating habits, dressing up your kid, the schools you choose for your kid, the way you dress as a wife/mother, etc and they want to "teach you" what to do.. on top of that, they want to know everything you do. They will tell you things like "I know my son better than you.." Geez, we all know that.

These kind of in-laws need a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They will ruin your marriage because they cannot let go of their "job" as a mother to their son and they want to run your marriage to make sure that it's right. Sigh, anyone of you reading this, I feel you babe.

Basically, you can have all sorts of in-laws....but ultimately, it boils down to how you, as a daughter-in-law handle the situation. MILs/FILs will always have a certain level of expectations from their DIL.

For me, as long as you communicate with your man effectively and efficiently, in-laws won't be able to get in your way and ruin things for you. Be who you are, don't fake it just because you a DIL. You have to lie to cover another lie and another, and another. If you're honest to yourself and to other people from the beginning, you will not go thru the "lying" stress just to keep up with being the ideal DIL. People will always have something to say, be it good, or bad. Of course, don't be mean to your in-laws. Without them, you won't have your hubby. We don't have to be rude.. They are old folks after all.. being rude will reflect badly on your own parents.

What kind of in-laws do you have? I guess no one will dare to talk about their in-laws to anyone, but they only bitch about their in-laws to their friends.

Oh wait.. I just did. =)

xo, A.

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