Monday, November 12

Envy.

"While you envy others, others envy you.."

It's a natural behaviour to envy. At a certain point of time, you would be envious of someone (usually). Whether that person has a better body than you, a more handsome hubby than yours, a neater handwriting, or a closet full of oh-so-gorgeous clothes. 

Kids envy other kids too! They are not too envious of academic results, but rather on material stuff. If that kid has an iPad, he makes sure his parents get him one as well. Unfortunately, most kids are not sensitive to their parents' financial capabilities. They just wanna be equal., period. They wanna satisfy their wants more than needs. It's like the social status in their world.

 Lucky for me, Sophia hasn't started her quest for satisfying her wants yet cos' she's not exposed much to other kids of her age. My time will come. I'm pretty sure I won't go along with her wants, well reason is I don't have the luxury of that as well growing up. My mom makes me work for my wants, not in hard child labour but work hard in terms of academic. We would set a certain target and if I'd achieved it, my wants will be rewarded. Lucky for her, back those days, we did not have fancy stuff like Wii and iPhone. I remember wanting a music CD each time I earn my wants. I did have a huge collection of music CDs!

Of cos, I envied friends who has a complete family and I envy the "freedom" they had (which I found out later they envied me for having my mom with me all the time..). I don't bug my mom for more money because I was well aware of my family's financial status. We're not well-to-do and my mom would constantly remind me that I'm luckier than orphans or children who live in slums in other parts of the world. My late grandma would tell me how "lucky" she was back then in China where she rode a horse to school as she was the eldest daughter from the eldest wife (complicated polygamy) and her late father was a rich pawnshop owner (they were never really around for her) but she constantly envied her friends who had the luxury of their parents with them.

For me, I strongly believe in inculcating good morals to kids, like reminding them to constantly be grateful to have what they already have. While kids complain they don't like a certain coloured pair of shoes, there are kids out there with no legs and hence they can't even wear a pair of decent shoes! While kids complain that they don't like the taste of certain food, there are kids out there who can't even afford a loaf of bread! Kids will always envy their friends for having what they don't have. So for me, I don't readily or easily shower Sophia with gifts and toys she wants. She earns them through behaviour and mealtimes over a good period of time, and she knows it.. To get something from Mommy & Daddy is not that easy.

As adults, (especially married ones) we envy the mother with the smart child. Most of the time, parents compare. If you're not that sort, good for you, two thumbs up from me! I strongly believe, God has his reasons for giving us our child/children. Whether he was born normal, disabled, or whatsoever medical issues... HE has his reasons and instead of being angry with Him or asking Him why is it that your kid has to be the odd one out, be grateful that he gave you a child cos many many MANY couples out there, desperately trying for a child. Don't blame yourself if your child is not the way you want.. don't envy.

I know of a very rich family.. parents are FILTHY rich.. and they can afford every darn thing in the world, literally..(ok, maybe not everything..). They have one son.. their only son who suffers from Bipolar Disorder and he beats his mom up whenever his irrational mood swings happen. His mom, after many years of abuse by her own son, ends up with Bipolar Disorder too.  People who doesn't know her family that well, will envy her wealth and her intelligent husband and only one son who will get all their wealth when they leave this world. WHO knows..that behind closed doors, they are tears. Tears no one will ever understand. People often hear parents abusing their own kid, but it would be bizzare to others when it's the child who abuses the parent. When I first found out, I was dumbfounded. I was helping out at Feast Day at church when my mom's boss told me who she was and etc.. I looked at her beautiful face and that smile, who knew behind those smiles were pain. I saw some fading bruises on her arms and she behaved like she had THE perfect family.

So who's to be blamed when such things happen? God? Parents? Kid?

I have had my students' parents telling me why their child cannot be like their sibling... or like other friends' kids of the same age. I looked at them and asked them if they envied other parents for having an intelligent child while their own was a disappointment or embarrassed by their own kid. They looked at me and couldn't answer my question. I told them be grateful that the child is normal and still can study and improve. Look at those parents who can't even see a future for their kid because of their disability! Goodness!

For us, we need to tell our children that everyone is created equally, and not feed them with the wrong information/behaviour. When your child grows up to be a different person, we, as parents are partly to be blamed. Of course, some parents put in so much effort to teach their child the right things, but the child turned out likewise. I can empathize with those parents but have we done enough? How much is enough?

Let's all think about that.

To all my Indian friends and readers, have a fantastic Diwali and enjoy feasting!

xox,
A.

2 comments :

  1. Thanks for sharing this. Agree that too often we rant about what bugs us and forget that we have so, so much to be thankful to the Lord for. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, no problem =) yeah, sometimes, we have to take a breather and remember what we have in life and be thankful. Thanks for reading my entry!

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Mahalo!

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