Saturday, November 24

My Pillar(s) of Strength

I was browsing SMB's facebook page and I read a blog entry by Shereen who blogged about what she & her husband talk about when they have the time and after reading it, I was inspired to write something similar to that... 

Backtracking to how Roger & I met, I remembered we had tonnes of stuff to talk about. With that kind of age gap between us, he had a lot of stories to share with me and I would listen attentively during those coffee sessions. Over time, he revealed more about himself, his family and his past. Slowly, I revealed mine and many months later, a day before my mom's birthday, we got together. It was difficult for my friends to understand why I would date an older man.. I wanted that stability. After all, to me, marriage is a gamble. It's either you win, or lose. It's that straightforward. 

I don't deny, maintaining a marriage is not easy. It takes courage, maturity, perseverance and love to keep it going, not forgetting communication. My husband is a man of few words... funny how I put it that way. In general, he is. With friends and family, you won't even know if he exists. He's very cautious with the people he talks to. With me, when we go for our usual coffee date almost every night, or when we drive down to Johore for food, we talk so much that we lost track of time. Unfortunately for him, he married a talkative wife. I have so much things to say, which is why my job is perfect - teaching. Good thing about Roger? He listens attentively. He doesn't fiddle with his phone or stare blankly at me when I talk, well, unless he's driving.. When I talk, he smiles, sometimes burst into laughter so I know he listens. When he talks about work, even though we are no longer working in the same industry, I listen and learn. When I talk about work, we would reminisce about our ex-students, colleagues and laughed about how we met. 

When we argue about outstanding problems, we would argue at the void deck (we don't fight in the presence of my mom & daughter). Sometimes, the argument will take place when he drives.. (which I try to avoid cos' it's dangerous) We try not to sweat the small stuff but being old, he tends to forget quite abit of things so when I remind him, he takes it as a nag. I hate nagging because I don't like others to nag at me too. We share about our opinions on issues, sometimes we will end up debating. 

We promised to be the pillar of strength for each other and for the family. He never stops me from doing anything I want. We respect each other the way it's supposed to be. He goes all out to provide what's important for the family. The one thing I'm proud of my man - hardworking. He makes sure he works hard to provide the best. We may not have the best in the world, but for me, it's good enough. I'm not after a  luxurious life, I want a simple, healthy and happy family.

Everyone has their flaws and strengths. We are not perfect ourselves so how can we expect our partner to be perfect? It's only with acceptance, we can accept the perfect imperfections. It's the imperfections that makes the world it is today. I believe a little drama is good. I'm pleased with the way things are turning our for our small family. I would love to have a second child, but not at this moment when some things are not settled. I know Sophia won't be a lonely only child like I am. Besides my ohana (family) as my pillar of strength, my late maternal grandmother and my mom are my pillars of strength as well. From their life, I learn and mould my life at a different light. 

Take-home message:

When you're out with your family, or just you and the hubby, talk. Don't talk about the finances, or complain about the in-laws, or whine about how tired you are, or rant about your day in the office or bitch about that colleague/boss of yours. Ask hubby how was his day.. as much as we women want to complain and barf all the unhappiness out, the husband is a human too. He needs to bitch about things as well. It's good to let him roll the dice first. 
Don't even touch your cellphone. It's actually rude. If the hubby is playing with his, tell him to stop as he needs to focus on his meal or have a family moment, as opposed to fiddling with the cellphone to reply a text or email. Be firm about it. I cannot stand seeing husband+wife+kids = cellphone bonanza. All eyes on the iPhone/iPad. Very very VERY irritating. 

With a new job, a healthy 3 year-old, a soon-to-be-ready home, hubby's new business, a new hobby (ukelele), what more do I need? 

Oh wait, I need a new cellphone. Mine's almost crashed & burned.

Pomaika`i,
A.

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