Monday, February 25

The Long Distance Marriage (LDM) Project #1

If you have read my previous entry on my marriage status, you should be aware that R and I live apart, but we're still very much married, in our hearts & mind. I'm starting the LDM Project to encourage myself and other mothers/wives out there who is/will be going through that it's gonna be just fine. It's tough, really tough initially.. as time goes, it will all be fine.

#1 : Reminding the child that one of their parent is going to be away takes an emotional toll.

There were many instances in the last few weeks where Sophia asked me, "When is Papi coming home?"

Sophia is trying to understand (in her own kid way) why daddy's gotta be 'far far away' but as of now, she can't. She doesn't get it, and I can't blame her at all, not one bit. Initially, she doesn't admit she misses R. One night during the CNY period, she told me she misses her papi (which means Daddy in Bahasa Indonesia - sounds so Spanish for a moment, rite?). So I told her, we will take as many pictures and show it to Papi via email. And she did. Though she spent most of her growing up years with my mom, my ex-helpers and myself, somehow.. she was her papi's little darling. 

So one of her favourite pictures was the very time she wrote her name on an activity book. She asked me to tell her the alphabets of her name, and so I did. This was the outcome of it.

Yes, all by herself. An extremely proud mother at that moment. 

But, at that same moment, I wished R was there to share that special moment together as a proud father.

She said, "Mommy, can you take a picture of my name now and show it to Papi because he's working far far away?"

And I did. We showed the actual book via Skype cos he didn't have the time to go on Facebook to see. He was a proud father. 

Sometimes, the child will fall sick if he/she don't see a particular person out of the blue, especially a parent, sibling or grandparent. It's like "lovesick", and it happened to Sophia. First, she was trying to cope with my ex-domestic helper's departure beginning of this year. A month later, she had to deal with her R's absence. The child is unable to express verbally. The suppressed emotions will eventually cause the child to be in distress.

She threw alot of tantrums to get my attention, as well as my mom's. To be very honest, I lost my temper many times on my little girl. I was almost in tears, each time I had to reprimand her for her weird, random temper tantrums. We are going through something that we have to cope well emotionally. I can (still trying to), but she can't. So when she pulls her stunts to the extreme, I break down inside. I know she's afraid to "lose" another person close to her. Everyday, she will randomly hug me and and say "I love you, mommy" and looks at me straight into the eyes. The strong eye contact made me assure her that I'm with her and she will go wherever I go. 

To other mommas out there who's in a similar situation as I am, you're not alone. There are thousands of mothers going thru the exact same situation. I did not marry a rich man, but I marry a very hardworking man. It's not easy for R to be away from home. He never wanted to. But he has to be responsible to his job and I, as his wife, have to be supportive. So we will work things out. He will eventually come home. Who knows what plans God has for our family? 

We'll just have to wait and see. But meanwhile, I gotta cope with my emotions, together with my daughter. I have faith that we will be fine.

from The Momma,

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