Thursday, March 7

Major Meltdown

I haven't been blogging for more than a week? I can't seem to plan my topics to write even though I've got an entire list of topics. The Momma is not in the right frame of mind & emotions. I just want to stay home and shut up. 

I've been fighting back my tears of late when it comes to handling my little girl. It may seem like nothing to many pro-moms out there cos' they've been there, done that. Due to the fact that I did not spend much time with my little girl between 0-3 years old, now, the meltdowns start to kick in, day by day, by every ticking moments.

This feeling has nothing to do with me feeling useless. Certain moments, I can deal with her temper tantrums. Other random moments when she simply "decide" to really push my button so hard that I just go blank. Attention seeking? Temper tantrums? What is it? Sometimes, advising others on parenting is much easier because I'm cool, calm and collected to be able to retrieve the information that I've learnt back in my school days learning psychology but when I'm the one affected, it seem like I have lost my whole train of thoughts and that's it... I get all flustered and literally, I can feel my heart beating at my throat & my head pounding. I'm not angry at my little girl, I'm frustrated with myself.

I'm known to be the one who has the worst temper in the family. Ok, for that, I've (unfortunate case) inherited that trait from my dad. I have a loud voice, well, contributed over the years from all the classroom teaching so when I'm at home, it seems like I'm talking to twenty children when in fact it's just one child. Bad, I know. So when that happens, neighbours are shunning away from our household cos' they have this inkling that I'm impatient with my child and soon, I'm gonna abuse the life out of her. HELLO? My neighbours used to adore my little girl when she was younger, but now, they don't even want to look at her cos' she cries quite a lot for no apparent reason. So when she cries, I'll leave her to cry until she realises that "mommy doesn't seem to care that I cry so I must change tactic". I've come to a point that I block out her cries by staring into the television. Then her cries are like so distant, like I'm on weed. Until she stops, everything will be back to normal. 

Yes, I'm turning crazy soon. I'm officially having a major meltdown.

I don't have a problem being a mother to my child. The only thing I can't handle is the persistent tears from her with no valid reason. Just because she doesn't want to do certain things that needs to be done, she will bawl her eyes out as though I've just battered her up, and that seriously hits me to the roof. If she cries because she's unwell or she fell down or for whatever valid reasons, I will do my best and beyond to make her feel better. But when she cries over nothing, I will flip faster than a flipping coin. I don't deny, I've done the screaming, the shouting, the time-out.. my daughter is stubborn. I can't do anything any more. Ignoring is the best, by far. I've read quite a bit of articles on ignoring the child when they display unnecessary temper tantrums. Reason being, when the mother is not in the right frame of emotions, their execution of solving the issue will be misguided by their emotions, hence, it will be done wrongly, eventually the issue will not be solved and it will escalate. Reprimanding the child is not gonna help (learnt that over time) cos' technically, they don't know that they had done it wrong. They are in the "monkey-see-monkey-do" stage so if it works for others, it "should" work for them. So when it backfires, they "panic" so they will make matters worst by first & foremost, crying out loud. Then comes the leg stomping, rolling on the floor, scream and yell like the world's coming to an end.

If your child doesn't display anything that I've mentioned above, congratulations to you. But majority of kids of now, they do. Many parents can handle it like a pro while I'm still learning. Even with a parenting/mothering/motherhood blog, I never stop learning. I still make mistakes, I admit that I'm not THE perfect mother. I'm human. But I know I will try, over & over again to be a better mother to my lovely little girl. Even though my judgemental neighbours shun my family and doesn't want to even look at my almost four-year old daughter because she is a "crybaby", it doesn't matter to me because no matter what, she's my angel. 

I will be fine. Just needed to rant. Thank you for reading until the end. I truly appreciate it. 

xo
from The Momma
Pomaika`i

2 comments :

  1. Oh, hugs, hugs, hugs! They go through crazy stages and as soon as the stages appear, one day they will simply disappear too. I would ignore too if the little one screams and yells for no reason. Or quietly pick her up and plonk her at the naughty corner. You're human too, and you have a right to be frustrated too. Couple of deep breaths ok?

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    Replies
    1. thanks adora, sigh.. i dun even know how to react. i'm already not opening my house door cos my neighbours are not friendly anymore, and sometimes sarcastic which offends me. well, a child is still a child. i will just have to ignore. no choice... hopefully it goes away soon.

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Mahalo!

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