Monday, July 15

Working Momma Woes

So after switching from part-time working mom to stay-home working mom and NOW to full-time working mom, can I just say that life is sorta different? Expectations for myself and for the "life" around me has somehow redirected itself, unknowingly.

Can I call myself a perfectionist? To a certain extent, yes and no. 

I don't label myself as a true-blue workaholic. When I was teaching last time, I had to bring home my papers to mark and piles and piles of curriculum to do. I enjoyed it very much, no doubts. Now as a Marketing Manager, my responsibilities and my To-Do-List just goes on. I'm not complaining, I'm actually enjoying my new environment very much. However, being a greenhorn, I have alot to learn, I don't deny. I'm not a quitter, for sure but I don't just settle for good or better. I want to produce the best. Asking too much?

As a mom, on the other hand, I think of my little baby all the time. The only happiness now I have is being able to send her to school every morning and going through our "routine" convos like, "Babe, make sure u eat your snacks and drink lotsa water, ok?" and "Babe, don't bully Popo (grandma) at home because she still can't walk very well ok?". Of course, her standard answers would be, "yes mommy, I know..." I worry that my mom may get into small teeny accidents at home because her mobility is still not good but due to situations, I needed to work asap. I leave everything in the hands of God. I know God will not put me in situations that will jeopardize my job. 

However, I feel that my relationship with R is getting a little better with each passing day. We have more to talk, albeit arguments still arise occasionally. I can't describe much except knowing our relationship has gone to a whole new level. Well, he is still annoying as ever so that doesn't change much. 

As for myself, my direction in life has changed a little. I don't pursue for wanting anything for myself (is that gd or bad?) and all I care is to make sure that my important needs are settled before looking at the "wants" checklist. Back then, I'll try to be "fair to myself" by putting my needs and wants side by side. A little selfish perhaps? Now, I just want the best for my mother, my daughter and my husband. I come last. Stupid u may think, but I don't think so one bit.

Maybe others who look at me will think I'm still the same Ashley. Deep down, I know something has changed. My objective now is to make sure things get done the right way. I won't allow anyone to change my opinion on anything. If I can't be firm with my own mindset, I can never convince others in future, whether it is at work or home. I don't wanna worry how others look at me anymore. I used to be a worrywart and worry all the time, keeping things to myself. Yes, I still keep certain things to myself but I'm better (i hope) in analyzing and handling situations, be it work or back home.

So instead of worrying, might as well just face reality, deal with it and move the hell on, isn't it? As a working mother now, I will have thousand and one things in my mind. But life is such that I can only take one step at a time. 

Or in short, isit because I'm turning 30 that's why I'm saying all these!!??!!


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